Dancing in Disappointment
Awake my soul to sing with your breath in me,
I will worship.
You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment and I,
I will worship.
The last six weeks have been a roller coaster. For some reason I feel like I say this a lot.
And when people ask "How is Tessa?", I just don't know how to reply. I hesitate, and usually respond with a generic answer like, "she's good- yeah- she's good". As many of you know, she has been in and out of the hospital with pneumonia and an upper respiratory infection. Two hospitalizations in 6 weeks can send a parent reeling with disappointment. Especially since both times that she was hospitalized with pneumonia- we were already scheduled for ear tube surgery in Salt Lake. A surgery that is important to maintain Tessa's health and requires anesthesia.
The one thing I have learned over the last two year's is patience and to trust, allowing faith to carry me through. There is a plan in the works for my baby girl...and no matter the disappointment I face because my plan didn't work out- I know that there is a silver lining.
Something greater is on the brink- because that's how my God works. My plan does not always equal God's plan- but His always turns out better than anything I ever imagined.
I love how A.W. Tozer puts describes faith in his book The Pursuit of God. He says, "Now, if faith is the gaze of the heart at God, and if this gaze is but the raising of the inward eyes to meet the all-seeing eyes of God, then it follows that this is one of the easiest things possible to do...looking is of the heart and can be done successfully by any man standing up or kneeling down or lying in his last agony a thousand miles from any church."
Anyone can have faith! It is simply looking to God- and learning to dance!
That said, having a heart that looks to Jesus doesn't just happen. Relationships take an effort. And before long- it will become an reflex. Some practical ways to "train your heart" to dance are:
Pray! Read your Bible. Get to know God and His will for your life. Get to know Him.
Surround yourself with other believers that can support you. You can find faithful followers by attending bible study or even finding a church that you love.Service! No matter what type of service- you are giving of your time and talents to share compassion with others.
Listen. Sometimes giving yourself a "time out" will give God the ability to speak to you through the Holy Spirit.
Over time, as A.W. Tozer states, "A new set of eyes will develop within us, enabling us to be looking at God while our outward eyes are seeing the scenes of this passing world".
I can ride this roller coaster I am on because of faith and I can attest that my faith has been strengthened by doing all of the above. I pray without ceasing; I read my bible; I surround myself with fellow believers; I offer my services and talents to others to show God's glory; and (this is one I continually work on) I try to give God a moment of my time so I can listen.
Friends! He is waiting!
He is waiting to ride your roller coaster with you. Whatever you are facing today, He can be a friend...and in many cases the best friend you will ever have. He is unfailing and because of this, He teaches us how to dance in disappointment.